Groundhog Day’s Update
Today is Groundhog Day and as a result groundhogs all across the country will be coming out of their underground bungalows to predict the arrival of spring. According to experts in the field, the accurate assessment of the arrival of spring conditions is a classic case of inverse reality. This is because a sunny day on the second of February always indicates a prolonged winter, while cloudy conditions are a surefire sign that the end of winter will soon be at hand. To assist with the accuracy of their long-range forecasts, weather predictors from around the country have sought advice from such notables as Punxsutawney Phil (PA), General Beauregard Lee (GA), French Creek Freddie (WV), Stormy Marmot (CO), Sir Walter Wally (NC) and Holtsville Hal (NY).
However, since Groundhog’s Day 2011 presented a major blizzard that stretched from northern Maine to Oklahoma some of the groundhogs refused to come out of the hole today. Leading the group of no-shows was Flaky Fran of Waukegan, Illinois, who claimed that due to the two+ feet of fresh snow that was deposited on Groundhog’s Eve that he was not required to make an above ground appearance. According to Flaky Fran his contract clearly states that in case of snow accumulations greater than one foot and wind chills in the minus zero range, no prediction is necessary.
Local weather predictors were asking the uncooperative marmot to make a guest appearance anyhow, for it was their fear that a no-show by Fran might indicate that more dire consequence might result. As of mid-afternoon Flaky Fran still had not even stuck his head above ground. With snow still falling in Northern Illinois it is highly unlikely that Fran will make his appearance this year.